We need some humor during this mess...
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Mr_Yan
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Think if I plant a Knob Creek cork it will sprout?
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It's worth a 'shot', LOL!!!
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A few more:
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Got these off of Faceplant, these type of people are hilarious!!!
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I couldn't help but notice that none of them scored any toilet paper either...
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My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!!
Day 6 – I get to take the garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear!!!
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!!
Day 6 – I get to take the garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear!!!
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
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B
Be Ready
Guest
A Search
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Oregon, and talks with an old
rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for
illegally grown drugs.'
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there'
and he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear
pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the
farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever
I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I
made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the
DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's
prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the
officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "horned" before he
reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The old rancher
throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his
lungs.....
'Your badge! Show him your badge!
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Oregon, and talks with an old
rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for
illegally grown drugs.'
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there'
and he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear
pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the
farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever
I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I
made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the
DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's
prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the
officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "horned" before he
reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The old rancher
throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his
lungs.....
'Your badge! Show him your badge!
RLwhaler
Well-Known Member
….LOL!
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I thought of Michigan's gestapo governor when I saw this one...
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Mr_Yan
Guest
I can go kayaking but not out in a boat with a motor. Did I mention it was snowing until lunch today. Which is safer. This is not Florida. We're not going to hang out at the sandbar.
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Gretchen is a loon... Seriously, I feel for you & your family.
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A friend summed this media generated virus hoax & the government's tyranny up pretty well:
The Rules as of today:
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then go ahead.
2. Masks are useless, but please wear one, it could save you or someone else or maybe not.
Also could be mandatory, maybe.
3. Stores are closed, except the ones that are open. You can buy the same stuff at some open stores that they have at closed stores and there are a lot more people inside them.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick. If you are sick stay home.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster or instant death.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help. If you touch anything then throw them away!
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes. Check Facebook for current inventory.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Yeah.
12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but please support local restaurants.
13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy or pretty much anywhere.
16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview must start with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…"
18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a uber and meet an older Uber driver.
19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.
20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of
24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?
The Rules as of today:
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then go ahead.
2. Masks are useless, but please wear one, it could save you or someone else or maybe not.
Also could be mandatory, maybe.
3. Stores are closed, except the ones that are open. You can buy the same stuff at some open stores that they have at closed stores and there are a lot more people inside them.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick. If you are sick stay home.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster or instant death.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help. If you touch anything then throw them away!
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes. Check Facebook for current inventory.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Yeah.
12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but please support local restaurants.
13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy or pretty much anywhere.
16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview must start with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…"
18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a uber and meet an older Uber driver.
19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.
20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of
24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?
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This is funny!!!
RLwhaler
Well-Known Member
There's a bunch of folks from the Classic Boston Whaler site that are upset about this. ( can't boat with a motor)
Mr. Yan : Is it true that the Gov. banned anything with gardening as well?
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Mr_Yan
Guest
Yes and no. And this will get complicated as it was never clear. According to her press conference announcing the new outline for The Beginners Guide to DIY Great Depression:
- Big box stores over 50k square feet need to rope off non-essential areas. She explicitly said grocery and pharmacy areas are to stay open but "flooring, carpets, and garden centers" need to be roped off to discourage congregating.
- Stores under 50k square feet need to limit the amount of people in the store.
- Landscapers are not essential and, per the dictate, are not to operate.
- Garden centers are not essential and, per the dictate, are not to operate.
Lotto is selling just fine. Pot dispenseries are essential services. And liquor stores are lumped in with grocery stores. Oh yeah "abortion is a life sustaining activity" according to the Governor.
I'm kinda screwed. Week before Easter I went down to the local place and bought some seeds "knowing" I had my normal stash of seed packs. When I got home I realized last fall I culled my seed packs thinking I'd just restock fresh in the spring. Well now I'm really low on my go to favorites. I only have one pack of pepper seeds I saved from 2018, a few types of tomatoes which doesn't include my favorite Super-Sweet 100s, about 10 kale seeds (not types but total seeds), and one pack of saved spinach. But check out the seeds I did buy. These are from the local place 80 cents for 1/4 oz of carrot seeds, $1 for 4 oz of wax bean seeds - you'll never touch that from a seed rack at Lowes or Home Depot.
Add insult to injury and my seeds aren't germinating right. They're being really slow and I'm getting mold on the peat pellets which I've never had before.
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I saw on the 'news' that we're going to have a food shortage now... if we did, it would affect most people around here as we are relatively self sufficient. Apparently some city people think they have a solution:
They could try I guess, but it may not work out the way they planned.
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Mr_Yan
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As I was pouring a cup of coffee this morning I looked out the window and excitedly called over my son saying "there's deer outside". He got to the window and looked then asked "where are the deer I don't see them". I told him "I don't know, but they're not inside with us".
He groaned and walked away. His mom may have hit me in the arm.
We've been cooped up too long.
He groaned and walked away. His mom may have hit me in the arm.
We've been cooped up too long.